You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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