The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
