i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize