apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
