WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
