Non-Jews are for practice
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
