he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
