I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
