I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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