Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
