you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
