Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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