I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Acid is not a monday night drug
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
