Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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