the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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