I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
