Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
