My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
