he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
