So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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