I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
