Just mADE A PArabola og urine
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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