Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
