So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
