If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
