just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
