So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
