I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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