I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
