I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
