But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
