I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
