we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
