mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
