Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
