Pants 0. Shit 1.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
