So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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