is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
