K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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