I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
