She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
