I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
