Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
