I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
