i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
