I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
