yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All the doctor said was why
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
