My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
