i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
