She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
