i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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