I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
