.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
